Always
by looselylivingstar
Summary: Lily is now in heaven but can no longer get along with James.  She has found she has forgiven Severus for his actions.  Will they return to each other and maybe even become sweethearts?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

In heaven, there were many beautiful things. There were the different lakes and places that were perfect replicas of the places that the dead used to roam. People had different things to do, and they always had different places to go. If a soul so desired, they could hike on a mountain without risk of death or injury. A person so lucky to go to heaven would probably never run out of things to do. It was what the thought was anyways.

It was not the same on the level of emotion, though. Lily could not remember a day that James and she did not fight. She wanted to give up so badly. Her stubborn will was starting to crumble under the pressure. There was no way she could be happy with James, not anymore. Something within her had gone somewhere else. Maybe, she just did not love James anymore. She understood that he was the father of her child, but she could not change her feelings.

The fights were becoming too much for her to stand. She got up and looked right at James. As much as she wanted it over with, pain came to her heart. Lily still did not want to do this to James. "James…" She muttered and then looked into his eyes when he looked back at her. Even if what she knew was true remained to be so, there were still years between the two of them. That was something she could not just erase, even if she wanted to.

"I…" There was just no easy way out was there? She wanted to escape, to hide away from her problems. Lily knew that wasn't her though, and she was hiding away from the fear that this would ruin everything for too long. The girl thought that heaven would be happiness, eternal bliss. It had turned to hell though as she saw the things that Snape did for her and her son. He made up for everything he had ever done to her every second he defended Harry. Lily even knew that secretly, Severus was getting attached and just could not admit attachment for her son.

"You what, Lily?" James automatically was ready to defend himself, ready to take her blaming him again. He knew the drill, and he was not going to take it sitting down. Lily sighed as she saw the expression on his face. He would be hurt no matter what because he did not understand. He would not see how hard this was for her, and this was where disconnect between the two had began. It had been harder for Lily to accept that she could no longer help her son or do anything to help anyone. The thought if it made her weak, while James acted like it was not a big deal.

"…Don't love you anymore." She was silent after these words and let the silence fill the air. Lily knew this would be her only moment of peace for awhile.

"What? How could you say that? After all we have been through, after marrying and having a child together! Why?" James got very angry at this once he understood that she meant this and this was not just some sick joke.

"It's complicated."

"It's complicated? Why is it complicated? Is that all you can really tell me that its complicated?"

"Because I…" Lily seemed unable to say it.

"Because you love good old Snivillus, don't you?" James shoved it in her face bitterly.

"Is that what this is about? Some bitter rivalry you and Severus had with each other in the past? Grow up."

"He was a death eater and I knew it! He doesn't care about me or our son!"

"Y-you're… lying!" Lily started to turn away and leave but James grabs her and makes her look his way. She met his glare and started to cry. This was just too much to take. She wished that this wasn't happening.

"Fine, if that's what you want." James says in a voice colder than she had ever heard before. Lily knew that this was just so he wouldn't break down in front of her. She was let go and she ran away from there as quickly as she could. The farther away she got, the better was her opinion. There was no telling what she was going to do or even where she was going. She neither knew nor cared.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Lily was alone now. This fact was haunting. She knew that she could not control the will of her heart, but part of her wanted to go back and tell James she didn't mean it. It was tempting to try to return to him and act that everything was normal. In her heart, she knew that she could not do this, so she fought against that thought. She would only be worth people's time if she tried to be strong through this and not cave in.

The truth was that James was all that she had anymore. It made her sick that she had wasted so much time and effort into something. She had wasted so many years of her life and after life fighting for something that did not mean as much as she thought it should. More sadness came from all the time wasted and how many years she had spent with James and how he had her fall in love with him. There was no remorse for her new feelings, more for her past.

She knew that the past was what hurt. Maybe if she would have done things differently things would not be the way they were now. Lily shook her head to herself; she knew these thoughts were irrational and stupid. Yet, she kept looking for why it was this way. There was something wrong with her since she wanted to give up so much just like someone that she knew she may or may not even want to be with after they came here.

Lily looked around at her surroundings and it seemed to be that she at found herself on the grounds of Hogswarts. The people that were roaming the Earth looked like ghosts, a lot like she would have looked like one if she would have stayed on Earth. She walked passed many people and walked through most of them and shivered every time she did. It was just as cold doing it this way as it was when she was living and ran through ghosts. That had been something that Lily had always tried to avoid no matter what. This was where memories of her past were the most vivid. She may have no choice but to take a trip down memory lane.

Then the adult Snape came into her sights. She quickly put all her hesitance about going into the castle itself aside and followed him into the halls that she used to be wandering in as a student. It seemed that he was going towards his office alone. Lily knew that he did not know that she was watching, but that did not matter to her in the least bit. Once inside, she looked over at Severus, seeing how what he had done, both good and bad were showing on his face and deep within is dark brown eyes. Both heartache and guilt were in those eyes.

Her eyes drifted to the Lilies preserved away from where most students could ever see. Lily starred at them for a bit, and she had a feeling that it meant that she still meant a lot to Severus. The girl's attention quickly snapped out of it though when she heard Severus sit down. Severus actually looked over at her and her heart started to pound in her chest. Did he see her? If so, she would need to hide very quickly because she was dead after all.

He looked away and Lily could not help but take in a sigh of relief. It must have just been a bit of bad luck on her part that he had looked over that just then. She saw him start to work on papers but there was no joy in it like she remembered when he taught her things. Severus was a talented wizard that she had to admit. It was not like she lacked intelligence herself, it was just they both helped each other through their work until, that day he said that one word.

This was something that she needed to get over. She had forgiven everything else, but this was one thing that she had never heard him apologize for yet. Lily looked over at him and then perked up hearing him mutter. Her patience she hoped would pay off. All she wanted to know was that he was sorry for the one word that started all of this mess. After that, she could start to try to fix what they had in the past once he came to heaven to join the ranks of the dead.

Lily could not help but to let out a groan of frustration when he went quiet again. Maybe there was no point in her being here. She may not have it even pay off for her at all. The girl started to head for the door and then freezes and turns to face Severus as he starts to speak. "I am sorry that I called you a Mudblood, Lily. I can never forgive myself for it, and it is why I am where I am now." Tears started to roll down her face and she raced to him to hug him. Instead of hugging him though she phased right through him and fell on to the floor.

Now she looked like a fool but Severus could not even see that. For a moment, she had forgotten that she was dead. She could not comfort him even if she tried. Lily stumbled back up to her feet and seemed to feel a bit defeated. This headmaster's office was so alone and empty and she wanted to fill it with happiness and joy but she was dead. That was something that she could not do for him, and he would have to suffer thinking that Lily Evans hated him. She could see that in his eyes.

After that she left the office and just starred at the lake that was ahead of her. There was no dying here because you were already dead. Lily knew that, but she felt like she wanted to die. She could not be close to the person that she forgave and needed the most now. The girl didn't feel dead, and she wanted to. It made no sense that what she thought was a perfect paradise, had now become the barrier separating her from what she wanted, Severus Snape.


End file.
